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In Chicago, Trump took to the stage,
Claiming experts just lack his sage gauge.
With tariffs in sight,
He stood firm in his fight,
Saying he’s wise, they’re all wrong in this age!

In a tale that’s quite bold and askew,
Hunter Biden is stirring anew,
With a lawsuit in play,
Against Fox from the fray,
For images he claims are untrue.

In North Carolina, a tale of woe,
From Hurricane Helene’s fierce flow,
With floods and mudslides,
Ninety still hides,
While families grieve and hearts ebb low.

In a tweetstorm so wild and grand,
Trump shared why he stalled on the stand,
“Too scared to be tackled,
My pride slightly rattled,”
Now the jokes spread like dust in the sand!

Rufus Wainwright’s face turned quite pale,
As Trump sang his song without fail.
He called it blasphemy,
At that campaign spree,
A musical faux pas—oh, the tale!

In the playoffs, a mayor’s in plight,
With a Mets-Yankees hat—what a sight!
Fans jested and cheered,
As the verdict neared,
“Which team will his cellmate incite?”

In a land where the tensions are high,
The U.S. gave Israel a nigh,
“Increase aid to Gaza,
Or your funds we will raze,
So think twice ere our support says goodbye!”

At a flag football game, oh what fun,
Prince William joined in on the run.
With a pigskin in tow,
He gave it a throw,
But claimed, “Sport’s not my forte, I’m done!”

In Georgia, a judge took a stand,
Ensuring that votes wouldn’t be canned.
Though Trump’s folks tried to press,
The voters, no less,
Can cast ballots as freely as planned!

In North Carolina, a fraught scene,
An armed man was caught, quite obscene.
With threats aimed at FEMA,
He caused quite a dilemma,
While they worked to help folks in between.