98 Funniest Cat Jokes Ever Told – Tuxedo Cat

Cats make us laugh all the time; they have sassy attitudes, cute habits and moments of utter madness.

Cats have entertaining personalities and we all love to watch funny cat videos but did you know there’s an abundance of hilarious cat jokes out there too?

Whether you are looking for cheesy one-liners to share with your mates or knock-knock jokes that would cause even grumpy cat to crack a smile, we’ve got them all here.

Are you ready for a laugh? We’ve gathered our favourite cat jokes here for you to enjoy.

Make people laugh with these witty cat-based one-liners:

Too many cheetahs.

An alley cat!

Mouse trap.

Because of its bark.

A spelling bee.

To keep an eye on the mouse.

Because they are always spotted.

Three blind mice.

A fur ball.

An octopuss!

The duck, he’s the only one with a bill.

Mewsic.

The other half.

She let the cat out of the bag.

A carrot.

Paw-jamas.

Caturday.

Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

One is a pause at the end of a clause and the other has claws at the end of its paws.

Take me to your litter.

The retail store.

A mice-cream cone

They only have one tail.

A purr-cussionist.

It felt funny.

When you’re a mouse.

A first aid kitten.

They hiss and make up.

The Great Catsby.

Claw enforcement.

Puss in boots.

Because they are very mewsical.

It has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

They get too distracted by the fish.

Catch.

Good Mousekeeping.

Read the mewspaper.

It goes back to sleep.

Santa claws.

A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.

The Mewseum.

Catfish.

What’s up pussycat!

Hailing taxis.

Mousewash.

A terrified postman.

None, because they were copycats.

Stop freaking meowt.

A stripy sweater.

A meowtain.

A furrari.

Frostbite.

Purr can.

A kit-kat.

Send it to the Canary Islands!

A hissy fit.

A “lyin’ cub”

It had mittens!

“You’ve got to be kitten me!”

Who doesn’t love a classic knock-knock joke? These cat knock-knock jokes are guaranteed to leave you laughing:

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?                    

Kitten.

Quit kitten around and
let me in!

Knock, knock.

Claws the door, it’s
cold!

Knock, knock.

Lion on your doorstep,
open up!

Neil down and pet this
cat!

Claw Enforcement, you
have the right to remain silent.

Knock, knock.

Catsup a tree and
won’t come down!

Fun Cat Jokes

Short, sweet and brilliantly funny:

Longer Jokes

Looking for longer jokes with more depth? Keep your audience clinging on to every detail as you work up to the purrfect punchline:

There were two cats
looking into a green canary’s cage, the first cat said to the other, “That’s
not a canary, it’s green!” the other cat replied, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not
ripe yet!”.

What did one flea say
to the other?

“Shall we walk or take
the cat?”

A man feels terrible after running over a cat, he walks up to a lady’s door.

She answers and he says, “I’m so sorry, I ran over your cat. I’d like to replace it.” The woman says, “Okay, how good are you at catching mice?”

The first cat said,
“Meow.”

The second said,
“Meow.”

The third said, “Meow,
meow”.

The first cat said,
“Don’t change the subject.”

I think I have OCD…
Obsessive Cat Disorder.

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “what can I get you?”. The cat says, “A shot of whiskey.”

The bartender pours the cat the drink and puts it onto the bar. Slowly, the cat pushes the shot off the bar before immediately demanding, “ANOTHER!”.

A policeman stops a
man in a car with a lynx in the passenger seat.
“What are you doing with a lynx? You should take him to the zoo!” The policeman
says.

The next week he stops
the same car to see the man still has the lynx, “I thought you were going to take
the cat to the zoo.” He says.

“I did! We had such a
good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

A lady took a fox to the vet, the veterinarian looked at the fox and shook his head, “I’m sorry, the fox is dead.” Said the vet.

“How can you be so
sure?” Said the lady.

The vet left and return with a Labrador, the dog stood up on its hind legs and shook its head.

The vet left and came back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the fox and shook its head.

The vet said the fox was 100% dead.

The vet then handed
the lady the bill.

“Why’s it so
expensive?” The lady asked.

The vet replied, it
would’ve been just £40 if you believed me at first.”

“Well why is it
£300?!” the lady asked.

“Because you had a lab
report and a cat scan.”

A little boy asks his friend
for advice, “help my cat has had 8 kittens and I don’t have enough space to
look after them!”

The friend says, “take
them and leave them outside a restaurant where they can easily find food.”

The boy calls his
friend the next day, “I took the kittens and left them outside a restaurant but
it didn’t work! They came right back home!”

The friend suggests he tries again when it is dark.
“It didn’t work! They came straight back home, it’s as if they have GPS.”

The friend replied, annoyed this time, “Take them farther than you’ve ever gone, turn left, turn right, go far to confuse the kittens.”

After a couple of days, the friend calls the boy to ask if he got rid of the kittens.

The boy replies, “I did what you said, I walked around for hours and then I got lost. I just came back… If I did not follow the kittens I would never have made it back home!”.

A pair of mice were walking when a cat suddenly jumped out to attack them. The older mouse shouts “BARK” at the cat and the cat runs away. “See?”

The older mouse says, “That’s why it’s so important to learn a foreign language.”.

Go to the back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it is likely raining.

If the dog is drenched then it is likely pouring. If the dog looks like he’s been rubbed the wrong way it is likely windy, if the dog has snow on him it is likely snowing.

Of course, to accurately tell what the weather is like you need to leave the dog outside at all times. Your sincerely, the CAT.

A couple is about to go out for the evening, they are all dressed up and ready to go.

As they open the door to leave, the cat runs inside the house. The taxi is already outside so the woman goes to the taxi while the man goes inside to get the cat out.

The woman didn’t want the taxi driver to know they were leaving the house empty so she told him, “My husband is on the way he is just saying goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband arrives saying, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out.”

A tomcat and a tabby
cat were flirting one evening when the tom leaned in and purred, “I’d die for
you.” The tabby gazed at him and asked, “How many times?”.

“What happened to your
cat? He was running around the village like crazy earlier.”

“He got castrated
yesterday and now he’s cancelling all of his dates.”

What’s the difference
between a man and a cat?

One eats a lot, is lazy and doesn’t care who bring the food. The other is a pet.

We hope you enjoyed our collection of cat jokes, thanks for reading!

This content was originally published here.

User Input